what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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