Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
