having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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