this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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