12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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