I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize