Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
