Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
