Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
