dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
