He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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