i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
