DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Randomize
