Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
