Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
