I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
