allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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