I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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