His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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