New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
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Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
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