i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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