I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
