my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
