Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
