Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
