so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
