Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
