i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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