I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
