do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
