I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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