And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
