Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
