i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
