Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
