i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Randomize
