i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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