I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
