do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
