bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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