did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
