ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
