Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
