Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
