my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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