how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
