Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
