We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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