Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
