Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
