I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
