I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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