roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
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If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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