I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
i think i just lost a toe
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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