toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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