hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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