I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
