Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
