my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
The power of my boobs compel you
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
