y did u give ur computer a hand job?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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