Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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