I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
