I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You pole danced in your parka.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
