he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
