I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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