I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
