what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
