hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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