One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
