why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
And my parents said I crawled through the house
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize